Chill out! Jeesh.

I realized today that I have been way to serious lately. Pretty much all I've been doing is trying to figure out what I'm doing with these next few months, listening to podcast sermons, sleep, stress, and be frustrated at all the things I've failed at. Awesome, right? Now, I'm not saying there's anything wrong with sleep or podcasts... but using either as an escape is not so great.

So this morning, I really just felt like listening to Kelly Clarkson music and cleaning my room. And so I did. I didn't think about any of the things that have been making me sad or frustrated. I didn't try to figure out my life. I just... chilled out. And I feel a bit less overwhelmed. Thank You, Jesus.

I think perhaps stress is a really sneaky tool Satan uses to try to bring us down and prevent us from being joyful and hopeful and fruitful. We start getting so caught up with all these should do's and what if's that we eventually become stagnant, motionless, stuck. We become internally focused and consumed with the realization that we suck... and forget all about God's grace, love and purpose for us.

So this week, I'm going to try to breathe a little easier, live a little freer. But this is really only going to be possible if I am walking in Christ. So... here's to continuing on in faith even when my silly little self doesn't "feel" like it.

God, help my unbelief. Help me to push every hindrance aside and pursue You. God, I seek you and trust you even when I feel the dark creeping back in. Please be my strength. I know I need you, even when I don't feel it. Revive the fire in my soul. Let me not become so easily satisfied with the "treasures" of this world. I want You. Not for what You have done for me or what You can do. But simply for who You are. Open my eyes, Lord. Please, lead me in truth.

exhausted.

Life exhausts me. My emotionality exhausts me. How deeply things affect me exhausts me. I do realize feeling deeply is somewhat of a gift, though it is hard having such extremes sometimes. The smallest word or look or even a thought can fill me with such deep joy or such great sorrow in an instant.

I'm overwhelmed with how temporary things are. How fragile every relationship is. And how anything can be gone without warning at any moment. So lately I feel as if I'm walking on thin ice, terrified of really even moving at all without fear of everything around me shattering.

Where is my faith these days? Why am I so... afraid?

Oh my soul, hope in God.
Draw near to Him, and He will draw near to you.